Lucy
by YukaoruSena
Summary: A song-fic of "Lucy" by Skillet


She jumped, startled awake by her dream. She rolled onto her side, fresh tears washing down her face. Sometime during the dream, she had already started crying. She continued to let the salty moisture fall down her cheeks, clutching the pillow to her chest as she fought to not remember but not forget. It was an impossible line to walk, but she tried anyway. It hurt too much to remember, but she knew it would kill her to forget. She couldn't let herself forget, no matter what. It seemed her subconscious was on the same page as her. She had been dreaming of Lucy a lot. Mostly random, happy memories together. But other times, like tonight, she dreamed of the day she lost her world.

–

"I can't believe she can't just stay out of trouble for one day. One day! Is that too much to ask for?" she grumbled to herself as she drove. She sighed, shaking her head. "Apparently it is," she continued. She threw her hands up in frustration before slamming them back down on the steering wheel, making the car jerk slightly to the left. She quickly righted the car, bringing it back into the proper lane. "Damn it!" she yelled. "It's not like it's _my_ fault he left. So why must she punish me? What the hell did I do to deserve this?"

She kept the constant string of complaints going until she finally pulled into the Forks Elementary School entrance, parking in the curve of the sidewalk in front of the main doors. She snapped her seat belt off, yanked the keys from the ignition, and slammed the door after exiting. She stormed into the school, going straight to the office. Upon opening the door, she immediately spotted Lucy sitting in a chair off to the side and against the wall, her head down.

"Ah, Ms Swan," the secretary Ms. Cope acknowledged. "He's waiting for you." She jerked her head at the principal's office, clarifying who 'he' was.

Bella let a grim, resigned smile show before walking to the door on her left. She knocked and then let herself in, having been in this situation enough that she no longer waited for his permission to enter.

Mr. Johnson looked up when the door clicked shut. He dropped his pen on the papers in front of him and leaned back in his chair, steepling his fingers. "Ms. Swan." He nodded in greeting. After she had situated herself in the chair before his desk, he continued. "I'm sure you know why you're here."

"Again," she interjected grumpily.

He gave her a terse smile and leaned forward on his elbows. "Yes, again. I hate to do this, I really do, but I'm going to have to suspend your daughter for five days."

Bella tensed. "Is that really necessary? She's already not doing very well in her work. This will put her even farther behind."

"I know, but I do feel this is for the best. I also firmly believe that you should look into a counselor for her. She's not a bad kid or a bad student. We all know that. She used to be at the top of her class. If she can just work through this rough patch the two of you are going through, she'll be fine."

The woman frowned but nodded after a moment's hesitation, realizing that it really was in Lucy's best interest. She didn't know what to do. She obviously wasn't enough for her daughter, wasn't what she needed. She felt helpless that she couldn't help her, hurt even. But she would do anything for Lucy.

"I understand," Bella finally said quietly, "and I completely agree. I'll look into it."

"I really am very sorry," the man said, smiling gently at her. "I can't imagine how hard it must be raising a young child on your own.

"I hate to admit it, but some men are just idiots and don't realize they have a good thing right in front of them. He was obviously too irresponsible and immature to take care of a child. You're better off without him," he tried to reassure.

She smiled politely back at him. "Thank you."

An awkward silence fell until Bella broke it when shifting in her seat to pick up her purse on the floor by her feet. "Well... thank you again, but I should be getting Lucy home now."

She stood as Mr. Johnson did the same, and they shook hands over the desk.

"Goodbye, Ms. Swan."

She smiled again, her cheeks starting to hurt from her effort to make it seem genuine. "Have a good day, sir."

She exited his office, walking stiffly over to the young girl. "Lucy." The girl's head snapped up at her mother's tone. "Let's go home."

Lucy looked like she was about to cry but followed nonetheless as her mother's figure left the building. They walked in silence to the car, Bella hopping into the driver's seat. Lucy hesitated before finally climbing into the backseat, her head still down.

They were on the main road before Bella spoke again. "You punched a girl in your class." Lucy didn't say anything. After a moment, Bella sighed loudly. "Why?"

The girl cleared her throat. "Well, you see... What Amber said wasn't very nice..." she trailed off.

"And punching her was?" Bella exploded. "God! I'm tired of getting calls at work and having to leave early because you can't keep yourself out of trouble," she yelled. "If it happens again, I'm probably going to get fired. Is that what you want? Is it?" She paused for a long moment, combing her fingers through her hair in an effort to calm down, before continuing again in a softer voice. "I don't think I can do this anymore. How can I help you? What do you want me to do?" She looked up into her rear view mirror, watching her daughter as tears streamed down her little cheeks.

Lucy opened her mouth to reply but was interrupted by a blaring noise. Bella's head jerked to the right and saw another car headed straight for Lucy's back door. In the next instant, so many things seemed to happen at once. The impact of the cars colliding. Bella's head slamming against her window. Tires screeching. Lucy screamed. Or maybe it was Bella. She couldn't tell. Then – black.

–

She continued rocking back and forth, holding her pillow to her tightly as if it would hold her together. Her tears slowly stopped, but she only stared straight ahead, drowning in her guilt. If only she had been paying more attention and hadn't run the red light. If only she hadn't been yelling at Lucy, making her think that her mother didn't love her, didn't want to take care of her anymore because she was going through a hard time. If only she had gotten Lucy help sooner. If only, if only, if only. So many.

She eventually dragged herself from her bed, getting dressed and grabbing her guitar before heading out the door. On her way, she stopped to buy some flowers before continuing on. When she reached her destination, she found Lucy's marker easily. Sitting down in the wet grass, she rested the flowers against Lucy's headstone, pulling the instrument into her lap but not yet playing.

"God, Lucy..." she cried, covering her face. "I'm so sorry." She paused, her tears continuing to slide down her face and off her chin. "You know I always made more sense through music, so I wrote you a song. I hope you know I love you. So very much."

She took a deep breath, trying in vain to compose herself. She finally gave up and started to play, singing the words she didn't know how else to say.

Hey, Lucy, I remember your name

I left a dozen roses on your grave today

I'm in the grass on my knees, wipe the leaves away

I just came to talk for a while

Got some things I need to say

Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her

I'd give up all the world to see that little piece of Heaven looking back at me

Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her

I've gotta live with the choices I made

And I can't live with myself today

Hey, Lucy, I remembered your birthday

They said it'd bring some closure to say your name

I know I'd do it all different if I had the chance

But all I got are these roses to give

And they can't help me make amends

Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her

I'd give up all the world to see that little piece of Heaven looking back at me

Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her

I've gotta live with the choices I made

And I can't live with myself today

Here we are; now you're in my arms

I never wanted anything so bad

Here we are for a brand new start

Living the life that we could've had

Me and Lucy walking hand in hand

Me and Lucy never wanna end

Just another moment in your eyes

I'll see you in another life in Heaven where we never say goodbye

Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her

I'd give up all the world to see that little piece of Heaven looking back at me

Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her

I've gotta live with the choices I made

And I can't live with myself today

Here we are; now you're in my arms

Here we are for a brand new start

I've gotta to live with the choices I made

And I can't live with myself today

Me and Lucy walking hand in hand

Me and Lucy never wanna end

I've gotta to live with the choices I made

And I can't live with myself today

Hey, Lucy, I remember your name

–

**AN: This is a story I've been wanting to do for some time now. I never seem to be motivated to write or I have other things I need to do instead, like my homework. But a friend of mine freaked out when she realized that I have never finished a story even though I've started several. So she nagged at me this weekend to finish one. And out came this one-shot. I also thought it would be a good way to get back into writing again, but I make no promises. This is going to be a busy semester. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. If not, I hope you felt something – anything! – strong enough to make you review. I'd greatly appreciate it.**

**~Loves, hugs, and Cullens!**


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